Hi everyone!
I hope you are doing well! I haven't written anything lately and that's because not much has been happening. I did get approved to use my DCP as an internship so that's pretty sweet! but other than that I have just been waiting for the day my program starts.
Speaking of, I have been having so many emotions and feelings about this whole thing. I'm not saying that I am ready to throw in the hammer and not go, but I definitely have been on an emotional rollercoaster. This will be my first time leaving my home and being on my own. While it is definitely about time, I am still going to feel hesitant about it all. I am someone that likes to know exactly what's going to happen (funny because no one really ever knows) and I like to plan everything out so for this to be something that will be a go with the flow and just experience it all is completely new to me. But don't worry am VERY excited and VERY grateful for the opportunity!
Some of the things that I am going through is that people have reached out to hang out and for some reason I don't want to. I think its my defense mechanism kicking in. If I don't hang out with them, I don't have to say goodbye to them. Luckily my best friend Ellie that I have known since high school is helping me get past that funk! We are going to go have a girls day shopping and what not with my other bestie Kimmy! (Shoutout to you all! The real MVP's haha!) Its important to know that I am not alone and that I have so many people supporting me! At times, I will slap myself and say "stop being a diva" but these are real emotions and its good to go through them and experience them. We all have that moment where we leave home and become our own person. We all have those moments where the unknown becomes too scary at times. We all have those moments where we just want to stay in our comfort zone and not feel any other emotion than happiness and content. But, its good to experience these things because it means we are growing and learning. We are becoming adults. NOOO! haha! JK. But really, adults have a lot of hard things they have to go through. I just want to sleep and not deal with it. haha!
As the months become less and less before I leave, I start to think about the time I will be saying goodbye. My older sister will be staying home and my parents are driving us there. Janae and I do not get along a lot but she is still my sister and I love her! I know that I will be sobbing a lot when I say goodbye because I don't want to leave her because now with me actually leaving and it becoming very real, I realize how much of a big impact she has on my life and how much I look up to her. We will always be sister. We will always have that special bond. I HOPE that we will not always fight but who knows.. haha!
Goodbyes are hard.. but they are what helps us grow and become better. Also, goodbye's are not forever.
Thanks for reading my rant on why emotions drive me crazy sometimes. Let me know if you have experienced this or are. We can share the best Netflix movies and shows that help us get through it. :)
See ya real soon,
M'lyn Miller
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